This life of mine is one that I love. My life isn’t easy, it isn’t always fun and it certainly isn’t glamorous. All things considered, it’s my life and I live it every day.
My husband works as a truck driver, he works locally which I am extremely grateful for. In the same respect, is one of the hardest things that I have dealt with. I know there are worse things to have to deal with, he could be overseas for months on end or something to that effect. But these are the cards that we have in our hands and so I play them. Things aren’t simple, with my husband never really being home for more than 12 waking hours at a time, but again this is what we deal with. Rick, that’s my husbands name, does a lot. He works his butt off working crazy hours for this company, he fixes things around the house or on our cars, he helps his friends as much as he can, and he is an excellent father. My only other wish…albeit a selfish wish, would be that he was home more. Not simply to spend time with me or our son, but to just be here.
There are days when I feel like I am drowning in a sea of dishes, diapers and delegating every single minute of every single day. This is the life I signed up for as a stay at home mom. This is one of the hardest jobs that I have ever had and quite honestly, any person who doesn’t think that being a stay at home mom (SAHM) is a “real job” I would like them to walk a mile in my shoes for a year…shit a month…I will take a week at this point and maybe they will come to see that not all things are what they think.
Being a SAHM is a life of waiting for nap time to come for a moments peace, cooking every meal, washing the diapers, taking care of the animals, attempting to clean, doing the laundry and the shopping, and still finding time to do things for yourself. This is one of the least glamorous and thankless jobs I have ever had. Not saying that my husband doesn’t thank me for all that I do, because he does, but simply because all of the things you do go unnoticed. As a SAHM you are paid in kisses, hugs, dirty diapers (which sometimes you get a raise in), a cranky baby, and overly needy animals. You learn to laugh at yourself and the mistakes that you make because if you don’t, you’ll become insane. Finding something to do for yourself becomes a mandatory daily task, because you have to find something that reminds you that you are a human being and not a diaper changing, baby feeding, cleaning, and laundry folding machine.
You look at all of these awesome ideas on websites such as Pinterest and Etsy and wonder how some moms manage the energy to do all of these extra things, when at the end of the day you can barely muster up the energy to cook dinner.
At the end of every day I lay my head down and think about everything that took place and list everything that I didn’t do. Every piece of laundry that, while clean, still remains in the laundry basket. Each minute that passed that I didn’t do exactly what the parenting books said. About the moments of insanity that you had when the screaming and fit throwing seemed to be infinite. I think about all of these things and wonder to myself…”Did I really do my best today? Did I really handle everything the right way?” The answer, most nights is no. But I have learned over the last 16 months that the answer to that is usually going to be “no”, and that’s actually ok. I am not a perfect parent, I never will be a perfect parent. Because despite the parenting books, tv shows, and tips and tricks from friends/family…I am human. I make mistakes and I don’t always do the things that I should. What matters at the end of the day isn’t what did or didn’t get done, what matters is that my son is healthy and happy. That he is well fed and loved. And the answer to that will always be yes.